Tour Report 2003

Well, the verdict is in. This tour was nothing short of a raging success, despite only 21 members of our 350-strong section being willing to commit to a heavily subsidised 10 days of fun and rugby in South Africa. Sure, we lost the rugby, and sure, we didn’t meet too many South Africans with much of a sense of humour, but that just isn’t relevant when looking back on how good this tour was, both for the Section and for us! Without falling foul of Kai Tak rules let me try to give you a flavour of what went on.

We were seen off at the club by our superb organisers, Tania, Nic and Greta, and had barely made it through the Harbour Tunnel when we realised something was amiss (to be specific, Angry’s bag) and we were given our first glimpse of both Angry Randall’s short fuse and the gentle ribbing that was to become a feature of the tour.

The bag was duly returned and we continued on to Jo’Burg. One flight and a few hours later, a few more gins and even more beers, and we pulled up at what was obviously the wrong place – a superbly appointed resort nestled between Sun City and Pilansberg game reserve. What a fantastic spot with zebra, antelope and warthog running freely just metres from our dining area. With perfect weather and endless cold beer on offer during our stay we made the most of this, spending 2 days and nights exploring all that Sun City had to offer (“I’ve got a date with the casino tonight”) and 3 hours on a Safari drive where we clocked 5 of the big 6. The visit ended with a superb nightime Braai (that’s a BBQ for the uninitiated) where the opportunity for some tour bonding was taken with some fine wine and more game meat than even we could eat. The only dampener on proceedings (other than our bus crashing) was the absence of our Judge and keenest golfer from the mandatory tee off at 10am, (“I physically couldnae get oot o’ ma bed”) which of course made his position untenable. Had Wee Joby Robertson not resigned, the Nouveau Regime was set to stage a Revolution. Anyway Dad was unanimously voted in and proved for the remainder of the tour that age and wisdom doth a good partnership make.

Following this warm up the tour moved on to Cape Town. We were joined en route by Elvis, a 6 ft giraffe who now stands proudly in the Sportsmans, and by a Swiss schoolgirl who unfortunately had to be handed back to her grandparents. We did our homework on the way by sampling every wine from the Cape that the airline had to offer, and were in high spirits for our seafood and Sauvignon Blanc frenzy in one of Camps Bay’s finest restaurants. The rest of the evening was spent drinking in Le Med where our wit, repartee and blazers made us a firm favourite with both the locals and the police, who seemed particularly interested in what Queen Draycott was doing to Pommie Lammo’s trousers. Our tour talent scouts were also doing a fine job as we signed up an Argentinian prop and the two 7ft tall bouncers to play in our first game.

The tour’s self control exercised that night was justified as the squad was put through its paces in an early morning training run by the Cape’s picturesque foreshore, and we excelled in all departments. It is safe to say that at this stage confidence was high. Lineouts were clicking, backline moves were being made

up as we went along, and Jackson got the call to go home. We rested up for the remainder of the day with a bit of sightseeing, and retired to bed after a light dinner and entertainment.

The day of our first game had arrived! Being a night game we kept the nerves under control with some tourist activities during the day including visiting Robbin Island and seeing Mandela’s cell. (Like a HK flat but bigger.) Stubby Broatch impressed the younger tourists with his usual match warm up routine of a couple of Amstels. At Paarl we were welcomed into a very friendly clubhouse with a braii fireplace bigger than Mandela’s cell and we were heartened to see our tour correspondence on their notice board, leaving no doubt as to the strength of our side (“social”, “old” and “crap” featured prominently). Despite this we were told that their 1st team, Western Cape Division 2 Champions no less, were very much looking forward to playing us!

After a suitable warm up period, handing out of tour programmes to the large crowd which had arrived, and a rousing pre-match team talk, the game kicked off. We performed magnificently above ourselves, and reached halftime only a score down after some very committed defence. They overran us a bit in the second stanza with a couple of well-worked scores but some good forward pressure, especially from our Argentinean guest Mauricio (“Mendez? Technically good but not very strong”!) produced a consolation score for Ziggy Power on the final whistle. It could have been even closer if Diamond Geezer Wallace had held onto the ball as he dived over the line! Full time: 15-5, but much confidence was gained by the tourists. After swapping jerseys and smashing ‘em in the boat race we headed back to

Cape Town in fine spirit and song but all the while knowing that the vagaries of the Western Cape fixture list meant that our second and final game at Stellenbosch University would be on the very next day.

After our first game we woke a bit up stiff, like African Sunset in Mavericks. However, we couldn’t complain about the surroundings we found ourselves in Stellenbosch as we checked into one of the Small Luxury Hotels of the World. At least it was when we arrived. We relaxed before the game with a stroll around the grounds and afternoon tea on the lawn by the pool, and then headed off to the biggest rugby facility any of us had ever seen (except for Chicken-or-Fish Perret who had played there before in the heyday of his career). Nestled amongst the mountains and vineyards were more rugby pitches than we’d had beers since leaving HK, and we were to play on the centrepiece of it all in the Danie Craven Stadium! Yet again my detailed description of the strength of our side (or lack of it) had been ignored, and our enquiry as to whom we would be playing in our social game was met with (think Tom Cameron accent) “Social game? You’ve come to the wrong bloody club!” Nice.

What the Stellenbosch Uni 4th team (out of 103 teams) lacked in joviality they made up for in dedication to their rugby. They were in fact in a league above Paarl, and it showed. Nonetheless, the game opened up into a fluid, champagne affair in superb conditions (remember grass?) and the action flowed from end to end. Unfortunately they killed us off rather quicker than Paarl and by half time were 21-0 up. Still, I’d have liked to see them play after going through what we had. The troops re-gathered though for a spirited fightback and we scored 3 well-taken tries (Dad Cookie, myself and Broony Turet) to end the game on the wrong side of a respectable 32-17 scoreline. At the after match function we were treated to a history lesson on the superiority of the “Maties” and their place in the development of South African rugby. We in turn treated them to a few shooters of Springbok and then headed off to explore Stellenbosch’s nightlife.

Of course, our desire to make the most of our beautiful hotel saw us returning early that night. Pommie was so impressed with it that he insisted on paying a special “Wreck Rate” for an extra room, having put out some nasty smouldering that was threatening to get out of control. The early night set us up well for our wine tour the next day, and by midday we’d managed to sample around 8 different varietals. Lunch was a sumptuous affair held in Le Petit Ferme, one of the Cape’s finest restaurants, except for the fact that we couldn’t seem to find any cutlery with which to eat. This hindered our meal not a jot, and it was over lunch that the full meaning of touring and the camaraderie that is inevitably built could not have been more evident. Suffice it to say that the day ended with a fantastic and harmonious rendition of Sloop John B (which become the official tour song) by every member of the tour much to the delight of the other patrons and we finally left at about 4pm to visit another winery. The rest of the day (and evening for that matter) is a bit of a blur except for an Afrikaner winery owner telling us politely to get off his land, and Tempest Shrew brassing it up large on the dance floor in some club in Cape Town.

The tour wrapped up nicely with some golf (“Please tuck in your shirt, its very important. And don’t you have any long socks?”), a trek up Table Mountain, and some diving with great white sharks. I’m not sure who came off worse from this encounter – us with our seasickness, or the sharks after having to swim through our chunder. We also took in a crap Super 12 game before saying our farewells to Cape Town.

Any tour write up would not be complete without a few big thank you’s, and these go to Tania and Nic, without whom we wouldn’t have got to South Africa in the first place, and to the Dancing Monkey, who’s managerial skills were matched only by his prowess on the dance floor. I would also like to thank our tour Gold Sponsor, Allengate Solutions for their enthusiasm and support for the tour, our Silver Sponsor Skrine Thomas Sharrock, and of course our Club sponsor, DHL.

To wrap up: what an experience! It has been far too long since the club has had a major tour, and I hope that the enjoyment had on this one together with the friendships made ensure that the next one is even bigger, better (if possible!) and comes around sooner.

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South Africa Easter Tour 2003 Tour Report